More often than I’d like to admit, I’ve let my emotions get the better of me. Whether they are positive emotions or the destructive ones like anger and total rage. As a woman, I’ve often placed the blame on my hormones but deep down inside, I know that I could’ve handled the situation a little better. After an hour or so of completely losing my temper, I’d feel really embarrassed about the way I acted, what I said, and my actions. I know that I am not alone in this, and that you’ve encountered this problem at least once too.
My temper is really a part of my self that I am having a hard time controlling. I am so lucky to have a husband who is very understanding but I know that he has his limits too. It doesn’t help that the hormones are there to screw things up more. But what we need to remember is that “EMOTIONS ARE TEMPORARY.” Yes, they are valid. Yes, you are allowed to feel the way you do at the moment. You can be angry, upset, hurt, grieving, and happy. However, being angry doesn’t mean that you are allowed to be cruel to other people. I’m sure you’ve heard older people tell you not to make decisions when you are happy, sad, or angry. That is true. When our emotions are high, they tend to block our rational thinking and make us do things that we wouldn’t normally do or say when we are capable of thinking logically.
“Practice the pause.
When in doubt, pause.
When angry, pause.
When tired, pause.
When stressed, pause.
And when you pause, pray.”
The word e•mo•tion is defined as “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” There are different types of emotions that a person feels like the following: anger, fear, joy, disgust, surprise, sadness, shame, pity, envy, love, courage, hope, and a whole lot more. Sometimes we even feel two contradicting emotions at the same time which is called as being in a state of ambivalence.
If you are tired of feeling bad after a fit of rage or making promises that you know you can’t keep because you are too happy at the moment, then one thing that you should learn to do would be to control your emotions. As an adult, it is one of the things that we must learn. Mostly it is the negative emotions that get us in trouble.
Here are simple ways you can do to stop being a slave to your emotions:
- AVOID REACTING RIGHT AWAY. This is what usually gets us into trouble, right? Because instead of focusing rationally on the situation, we tend to focus on what we are currently feeling and use that to justify our actions. I am angry so it’s okay for me to throw things, tear curtains, and break plates. Before you go and break those plates (put them down), take a step back and take a deep breath. Let your emotions cool down. If you are too angry, don’t do anything. You’ll regret it. You know that you will. Sit down and relax. Turn on the music or the TV. Shift your focus away from your emotions and focus it on some other thing. By doing this, you’ll be able to avoid doing or saying something that you might not be able to take back.
I’ve said many hurtful things to my parents, friends, and my significant other just because I’ve been irritated, angry, or just wanted solitude. I’ve realized that we can always say “Please give me some space because I am feeling angry and I don’t want to do or say something that I don’t mean” or “I need time to collect my thoughts”. Usually does the trick. #NoteToSelf
- Emotions can be affected by our thoughts. CONTROLLING YOUR THOUGHTS CAN HELP YOU CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. Don’t think about what he or she said that triggers your anger, instead focus on what could possibly be the reason behind his or her actions towards you. For example, your boyfriend has been distant and instead of asking him what’s up with his behavior, you keep it to yourself and overthink. Your thoughts bring you to conclusions that are totally far from the real thing, and these conclusions anger you or upset you. The problem could have been solved if you just asked him straight up.
Again, this doesn’t mean that you should dismiss your emotions but to learn how you can control them before they take over your life. Be aware of your thoughts and where they are leading your emotions.
“Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.”
- FIND YOUR HAPPY PLACE OR AT LEAST A HEALTHY OUTLET. Remember that a healthy outlet is not lashing out on the person you are having negative emotions towards, not blaming someone, not acting out, and it is not putting yourself and others in danger. It could be talking the situation out with someone that you trust. If you aren’t calm enough to talk with the person who triggered your emotions, then talk to someone else. Don’t bottle up your emotions because this could cause them to blow up. It really helps seeing the situation from someone who isn’t emotionally involved with the situation because they usually see the situation clearly since they aren’t clouded by their emotions. If you don’t want to talk to someone, you always have the option to write down what you feel. Sometimes, when I am angry, I talk to myself in the mirror and tell my reflection things I’d like to say to the person I am currently angry with then I take a bath. It usually works. The important thing is that you have somehow released some of your emotions so they aren’t accumulating inside you.
- Once you have calmed down, be open minded. The person you are angry with might have his or her own reasons behind her actions or words. FOCUS ON THE WHOLE PAINTING, NOT JUST A PART OF IT. The more you try to rationally understand the situation, the calmer you will feel. If you are still upset and can’t seem to put yourself in their shoes, delay the talking and just leave the situation alone for a bit. You don’t have to interact as soon as possible as this could lead to a clash of emotions and could make the situation worse than it already is.
Remember that emotions are temporary and that you are the one who is supposed to be in control of your emotions, not the other way around. What are your healthy outlets? How do you deal with your emotions when they get out of hand?