I know how you feel.
After learning hard lessons during high school, I’ve always considered myself as a woman who uplifts other women instead of putting them down. That was before a foxy batchmate decided to seduce my first boyfriend right under my nose – and on my birthday week too! Instead of getting upset at my then boyfriend, I immediately got upset at the woman who decided to wrap her sticky tentacles all over him.
In the mind of 19 year old me, it was the other woman’s fault. She clearly knew that he was in a relationship. It was all over Facebook. She was an acquintance and we knew each other. She should know her limits. She should know that what she was doing wasn’t right. She should know how it felt because her ex boyfriend did that to her. I knew her ex boyfriend and scolded him for it once. I was puzzled… in complete disbelief on how she could do something to another woman something that once caused her so much pain.
Yes, I got upset at my boyfriend but now as I look back, I admit I was nmore upset at the other woman. Now in the mind of 24 year old me, I should have just cut it off with my ex boyfriend and saved myself the trouble and stress. Now I have anxiety.
Is it possible to develop a PTSD to being cheated on?
Because that’s how I feel. Even if I am happily married now, there are still instances where I can’t stop myself from blurting out things to fish out an assurance from him. The most recent one was when we were driving home and we were discussing his upcoming birthday. We have a 5 month old baby. We don’t have a nanny. I didn’t feel like taking care of a possibly-drunk-slash-hangover-the-next-day husband and a baby at the same time. Just thinking about how stressful that will be makes my head ache. So I suggested staying at my parents place while he stumbles home drunk. The good thing about this is that he gets to drink til he pukes his guts out wiihout worrying about anything. But then I had to really add: “Just don’t bring some other woman home.” It ticked him off but he immediately forgave me. I told him that I did not know why I had to say that but I knew. I needed to hear him say that he wasn’t going to.
The problem is that most scorned women pin all the blame on the other woman. I kind of did. I always caught her messaging him and totally ignored the signs. Why would she keep on messaging if he wasn’t replying right? Was she that desperate? Once he called me with her name. Did I think he was still screwing around with her? I had my doubts but in the end I chose to belief his lies.
I was so quick to give my ex the benefit of the doubt and attack the other woman when I should’ve just left them both to their lives. I was so stupid to fall for the “I was in it for the sex only” alibi. We didn’t have sex so he made it seem like he needed her for that area that our relationship lacked. So naive. Now, I look back and cringe at the actions I took, decisions I made.
Women should stick together. Yes, the other woman had faults but your significant other does too. It is easier to blame the party that we do not care about but let’s not be blind to that. Loving someone doesn’t mean you tolerate their behavior that will clearly screw you over. For me, it’s hello anxiety attacks! Cliché as this may sound but break up with their cheating ass. There are plenty of other potential men (or women) out there waiting to meet you. If my ex boyfriend didn’t cheat on me for the nth time, I wouldn’t have met my husband. 🙆